In the world of LGBTQ+ dating apps, labels and identity markers play an important role in helping people connect with compatible partners. If you’ve spent time on Grindr, you’ve probably come across the term “side” in someone’s profile and wondered what it means. While terms like top, bottom, and vers are widely recognized, “side” has gained visibility more recently. Understanding this label can help clarify sexual preferences and foster more respectful, satisfying connections.
TL;DR: On Grindr, a “side” is someone who does not engage in anal sex, preferring other forms of intimacy instead. It’s a valid sexual preference alongside top, bottom, and versatile. Being a side doesn’t mean someone is less sexual or inexperienced—it simply describes the kinds of activities they enjoy. Clear communication about being a side can lead to more compatible and fulfilling connections.
What Does “Side” Mean?
In simple terms, a side is someone who does not participate in anal penetration—neither as a top nor as a bottom. Instead, they enjoy other forms of sexual intimacy, which may include:
- Oral sex
- Mutual masturbation
- Frottage (body-to-body rubbing)
- Kissing and sensual touch
- Erotic massage
- Use of toys (non-penetrative or otherwise negotiated)
For many people, anal sex has long been seen as the defining act of sex between men. However, this narrow definition doesn’t reflect the full spectrum of queer intimacy. The term side creates space for people whose preferences don’t center around penetration.
How the Term “Side” Emerged
Although people have long had diverse sexual preferences, the word “side” gained popularity in the 2010s. It emerged as a response to the dominant top-vers-bottom framework, giving language to people who felt excluded by that binary.
Social media and dating apps significantly boosted the visibility of the term. As more users added “side” to their profiles, it normalized the identity and opened conversations about what sex can look like beyond penetration.
Today, “side” appears as a selectable option on many dating platforms, including Grindr in some regions, helping users quickly identify their preferences.
Why Some People Identify as Sides
Being a side is about preference, not limitation. People identify this way for many reasons, including:
1. Personal Pleasure
Some individuals simply don’t find anal penetration pleasurable. Sexual satisfaction is deeply personal, and what works for one person may not work for another.
2. Physical Comfort
Anal sex can require preparation and may cause discomfort for some. Choosing not to participate can be about comfort and bodily autonomy.
3. Emotional Connection
For some sides, intimacy is more about sensual connection, touch, and play rather than penetrative acts.
4. Health Considerations
Certain medical issues or concerns about STI risk may influence someone’s decision to avoid anal sex.
5. Reclaiming Sexual Autonomy
In a culture that often equates “real” sex with penetration, identifying as a side can be empowering. It challenges the idea that one specific act defines queer sexuality.
Side vs. Top vs. Bottom vs. Vers
To understand what makes “side” distinct, it helps to compare it with other common labels:
- Top: Prefers the insertive role in anal sex.
- Bottom: Prefers the receptive role in anal sex.
- Vers (Versatile): Enjoys both roles.
- Side: Does not engage in anal penetration.
It’s important to note that these labels are not rigid categories. A person can primarily identify as a side but occasionally experiment, or they might shift over time. Sexual identity and preference are fluid for many people.
Common Myths About Being a Side
As with many identity labels, misconceptions exist. Let’s clear up a few of the most common myths:
Myth 1: Sides Are Inexperienced
Reality: Being a side is not about lack of experience. Many sides have tried anal sex and intentionally decided it’s not for them.
Myth 2: Sides Don’t Like Sex
Reality: Sides can have active, fulfilling sex lives. Their sexuality simply centers around different acts.
Myth 3: It’s Just a Phase
Reality: While preferences can evolve, for many people being a side is a consistent, long-term identity.
Myth 4: It Limits Dating Options
Reality: While it may narrow the pool to those who are compatible, it increases the chances of mutual satisfaction.
How to Communicate If You’re a Side on Grindr
Clear communication is key to positive experiences on dating apps. If you identify as a side, consider these tips:
Be Direct in Your Profile
If the app allows it, select “side” as your position. If not, you can state it clearly in your bio. Example: “Side here—into oral, mutual, and lots of kissing.”
Clarify Early in Conversation
If someone assumes you’re a top or bottom, politely clarify. It’s better to address compatibility upfront than after expectations build.
Stay Confident
You don’t need to justify or defend your preference. Confidence signals self-awareness and maturity.
Compatibility: Can Sides and Non-Sides Work?
Compatibility depends on flexibility and communication. Some tops and bottoms are strictly interested in anal sex, while others are open to broader definitions of intimacy.
A few possible scenarios include:
- Side + Side: Often highly compatible, as expectations align.
- Side + Vers: May work if the versatile partner is satisfied without penetration.
- Side + Strict Top/Bottom: Requires honest discussion about needs and boundaries.
In longer-term relationships, couples sometimes negotiate arrangements that satisfy both partners. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, only what works for the individuals involved.
Redefining What “Sex” Means
The concept of being a side invites a broader conversation: What counts as sex?
Historically, many cultures have defined sex in narrow, penetration-focused terms. But human sexuality is much more expansive. For many sides, activities like extended kissing, oral pleasure, and full-body contact are deeply erotic and satisfying.
By embracing the side identity, the LGBTQ+ community continues to challenge rigid norms and validate a wider range of experiences. It sends the message that pleasure, consent, and mutual satisfaction matter more than conformity to expectations.
Is “Side” Only for Gay Men?
While the term is most commonly used among gay and bisexual men, the concept isn’t limited to them. Anyone—regardless of gender or orientation—may prefer non-penetrative intimacy.
Language evolves within communities first, and “side” is a prime example. It may continue expanding as more people find resonance with the label.
The Emotional Aspect of Identifying as a Side
For some, discovering the term “side” can feel validating and even liberating. Before learning the word, they may have felt pressure to conform to dominant expectations on apps like Grindr.
Seeing oneself reflected in a label can:
- Reduce feelings of isolation
- Increase confidence in dating spaces
- Encourage open communication
- Promote body autonomy
It also fosters empathy. When users see a range of preferences represented, it becomes easier to respect differences rather than judge them.
Navigating Rejection and Respect
Not everyone will be compatible with a side—and that’s okay. Dating apps are, at their core, filtering tools. If someone is exclusively seeking anal sex, a polite mismatch saves time for both parties.
Respect is crucial. Dismissing or mocking someone’s preferences undermines the inclusive spirit of queer spaces. Just as tops and bottoms deserve respect, so do sides.
Final Thoughts
So, what does side mean on Grindr? It means choice. It means autonomy. It means that intimacy comes in many forms, and none is inherently superior to another.
As dating culture evolves, labels like “side” remind us that sexuality is diverse and deeply personal. Whether you identify as a top, bottom, vers, or side, the most important factors remain the same: consent, communication, and compatibility.
By understanding what “side” means, you not only expand your knowledge of dating app terminology—you also contribute to a more inclusive and respectful dating environment. And ultimately, that benefits everyone.